What is the lesson? Let us express ourselves, no matter how painful or “unpalatable” it may seem. Those who will be affected will learn from our sharing. Then there are those who will not be so affected. This is not within the scope of our jurisdiction. Bluntly speaking, this is none of our business. Like someone said (Abraham Lincoln, maybe?) to this effect: We can win some of the people some of the time; not all of the people all of the time.
Let the colors and vibrancy of flowers lift our souls.
The Author with a Flower Arrangement that Enhances Her Spirit
Like the sunflowers, let us turn our focus on our Creator, away from the challenges that present themselves to us.
My “Stuff”
My son took the initiative of attending to the “stuff” that I left behind in the house I used to live in. When he told me what he did, all kinds of memories came flooding on, which almost drove me to tears. He donated some; some, he sold. Still some will be mailed to me. It is interesting to note that I felt sad over what happened to my stuff, not what happened to “the” relationship. Why sad over the stuff that are merely things that can be replaced? I am the kind of a person who does not go on any “buying spree,” buying only those that appeal to me. (In fact, I seldom buy anything. I am very careful with spending the money that I have.) This maybe as small as a figurine, which may just cost a dollar or two. The main thing is that I derive much pleasure in what I buy. Most, if not all, lifts up my spirits. As I have learned from my metaphysical teacher, if you have two loaves of bread, sell one to buy white hyacinths for your soul. I have been doing this through the years. And if I do not a loaf of bread to sell, I just look around and find something that does not even cost a cent–a pebble maybe? Like the way I gather tropical flowers I see around and making flower arrangements out of them.
“The Blessed Guy”
In addition, my son shared that “the blessed guy” was very helpful to him when he was fixing the stuff. I said, “Good!” And the thought came: why was he cruel to me, giving me practically nothing? Sending me out in the street to fend for myself–no car, no house, with a few of my clothes, and a few dollars in my pocket? People do not even do this to their pets. Do I deserve such treatment? Sure, just like any regular human being, I have my flaws. But were my defects so big that I deserve to be treated so badly? Does he not profess to a Christian who love his fellow humans? I am human too! Remember the teaching of loving your neighbor as yourself? I was more than the neighbor. I was the wife!
That “the blessed guy” was nice to my son was an answer to my prayers. It made my son’s tasks easier.
Before, During, and After the Marriage
As I write this, I am reminded of my past efforts to create a good life for myself after an almost fatal and debilitating stroke–discussed at length in my book, “Whispers of the Soul,” pages 365-377. I completed my Ph.D., raring to again join the professional mainstream. I fell in love and had to move to a rural area to join “the blessed guy.” My goals and relevant efforts took a nose dive. I married someone who was all set to retire, and I was someone who was starting to live again, wanting to enjoy life to the fullest. Before I married him, I thought that he and I were on the same spiritual path. (After all, he used to join me in meditation when we were in the courting stage.) When I found out that we were not, I cried. Distraught, I sought the advice of a friend. She counseled me to look at the good side of the marriage. And I had done that since then. That is why I lasted 14 years in the marriage despite all the differences between him and me, which glared at me. Through the years, he had grown to be tough, not the soft and tender and kind-hearted man that I thought I married. That is why when he wanted to stop the “d” proceedings because of what it was doing to me–during the early days of the ending process–I said that we should continue. I had been wanting to leave because his toughness no longer fitted my tender and soft nature. I even told him that he was giving me the freedom to be who I really was–not just someone who said yes to what he wanted done.
Of course, I do not want to set aside the fact that he had been attentive to the physical needs of our joint lives. But I attended to my own personal needs–e.g., my clothes and other material needs.
Gratitude
I have to stop now. Suffice it to say that I am grateful that my son had the heart, the funds, energy, and the time to complete the process–that of taking my stuff out of the house. I did not even ask him. He just volunteered to do it. Needless to say, he saved me a lot of grief and aggravation by doing so. He had to spend his own money in attending to this undertaking. I am also grateful that “the blessed guy” was cordial to my son. Last but not least, I am thankful I have the faith that I have. That I am equipped with the tools that enable me to rise above the ashes of the human condition. That I can remind myself in affirming that the past is gone, forgotten, and forgiven–forever. That I concentrate on forgiveness–of myself and others. I have done this again and again. I have succeeded. This time, I am moving on with vim, vigor, and vitality. It is done. It so. Thanks be to God.
Conclusion
Thank you for taking the time to read this very poignant sharing. Please share with me your thoughts pertinent to this.
I leave with you some relevant prayers, shown on pages 182-183 of my book, “Whispers of the Soul.”
Dear God (Part 1)
When I become confused as to which path to take after taking many routes that leave me dejected and lost, take my hand and lead the way.
When I feel judged and wronged by any person and the burden of the sense of injustice is too heavy for me to bear, help me to forgive. Then make it easy for me to brush the dust off my feet, helping me to move on to higher ground.
When any of my significant relationships seems to travel downhill and I feel worthless and unloved, let me feel Your never-failing love, reminding me that I am Your beloved child. Because I am, I am worthy of all the love that the Universe offers.
When I receive a resounding no to a cherished dream and I fall flat on my face, give me Your strength to pick up the pieces and work on another phase of the dream or on a new goal. Let me be equipped with the conviction that when one door closes, another one–a much better one–opens.
When a loss leaves me bereft of hope and life, enfold me in Your loving arms. Assure me repeatedly that not all is lost and that I can start anew.
When my day seems gloomy for no apparent reason, reveal to me what I need to know and do to get back to the joyful state I normally inhabit.
When conditions become chaotic and the noise around me drowns Your voice, surround me with Your peace to preserve my sanity and maintain order in my world.
When life’s stresses bring my body down, causing it to suffer a so-called “dis-ease,” touch me with Your healing Presence to make me whole again.
You are at the core of my being. You are love, peace, strength, power, and joy. Because You are, I am. As soon as I wake up to the reality of my being, the little me becomes the big Me.
